Stop Waiting! and Start Getting Happy!

How to be Happy:
Tips for cultivating contentment

Are you tired of waiting around for happiness to find you? Stop waiting and start getting happy with these tips.

(Originally published on by the MayoClinic.com, September 15, 2010)

Do you know how to be happy? Or are you waiting for happiness to find you? Despite what the fairy tales depict, happiness doesn't appear by magic. It's not even something that happens to you. It's something you can cultivate. So, what are you waiting for? Start discovering how to be happy.

How to be happy: What science tells us
Only 10 percent or so of the variation in people's reports of happiness can be explained by differences in their circumstances. The bulk of what determines happiness is your personality and — more modifiable — your thoughts and behaviors. So, yes, you can learn how to be happy — or at least happier.

Although you may have thought, as many people do, that happiness comes from being born rich or beautiful or living a stress-free life, the reality is that those things don't confer lasting happiness. Indeed, how to be happy can't be boiled down to one thing. Happiness is the sum of your life choices. People who are happy seem to intuitively know this, and their lives are built on the following pillars:

• Devoting time to family and friends
• Appreciating what they have
• Maintaining an optimistic outlook
• Feeling a sense of purpose
• Living in the moment

How to be happy: Practice, practice, practice
The good news is that your choices, thoughts and actions can influence your level of happiness. It's not as easy as flipping a switch, but you can turn up your happiness level. Here's how to get started on the path to creating a happier you.

Invest in relationships
Surround yourself with happy people. Being around people who are content buoys your own mood. And by being happy yourself, you give something back to those around you.

Friends and family help you celebrate life's successes and support you in difficult times. Although it's easy to take friends and family for granted, these relationships need nurturing. Build up your emotional account with kind words and actions. Be careful and gracious with critique. Let people know that you appreciate what they do for you or even just that you're glad they're part of your life.

Express gratitude
Gratitude is more than saying thank you. It's a sense of wonder, appreciation and, yes, thankfulness for life. It's easy to go through life without recognizing your good fortune. Often, it takes a serious illness or other tragic event to jolt people into appreciating the good things in their lives. Don't wait for something like that to happen to you.
Make a commitment to practice gratitude. Each day identify at least one thing that enriches your life. When you find yourself thinking an ungrateful thought, try substituting a grateful one. For example, replace "my sister forgot my birthday" with "my sister has always been there for me in tough times." Let gratitude be the last thought before you go off to sleep. Let gratitude also be your first thought when you wake up in the morning.

Cultivate optimism
Develop the habit of seeing the positive side of things. You needn't become a Pollyanna — after all, bad things do happen, and it would be silly to pretend otherwise. But you don't have to let the negatives color your whole outlook on life. Remember that what is right about you almost always trumps what is wrong about you.
If you're not an optimistic person by nature, it may take time for you to change your pessimistic thinking. Start by recognizing negative thoughts as you have them. Then take a step back and ask yourself these key questions:

• Is the situation really as bad as I think?
• Is there another way to look at the situation?
• What can I learn from this experience that I can use in the future?
  

Find your purpose
People who strive to meet a goal or fulfill a mission — whether it's growing a garden, caring for children or finding one's spirituality — are happier than those who don't have such aspirations. Having a goal provides a sense of purpose, bolsters self-esteem and brings people together. What your goal is doesn't matter as much as whether the process of working toward it is meaningful to you. Try to align your daily activities with the long-term meaning and purpose of your life. Research studies suggest that relationships provide the strongest meaning and purpose to your life. So cultivate meaningful relationships.
Are you engaged in something you love? If not, ask yourself these questions to discover how you can find your purpose:

• What excites and energizes me?
• What are my proudest achievements?
• How do I want others to remember me?

Live in the moment
Don't postpone joy waiting for a day when your life is less busy or less stressful. That day may never come. Instead, look for opportunities to savor the small pleasures of everyday life. Focus on the positives in the present moment. Don't spend your time rehashing the past or worrying about the future. Take time to stop and smell the flowers.

References

1. Lyubomirsky S. The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. New York, N.Y.: Penguin, 2007:14.


2. Baker D, et al. What Happy People Know: How the New Science of Happiness Can Change Your Life for the Better. Emmaus, Pa.: Rodale, 2003:39.


3. Hill AL, et al. Emotions as infectious diseases in a large social network: The SISa model. Proceedings Biological Sciences. In press. Accessed July 7, 2010.


4. Sood A. Log On: Two Steps to Mindful Awareness. Rochester, Minn.: Morning Dew Publications, 2009:28.


5. Snyder CR, et al. Positive Psychology: The Scientific and Practical Exploration of Human Strengths. Thousand Oaks, Calif.: Sage Publications, 2007:145.

Newfound Optimism

Chronicles from The Art of Happiness: Newfound Optimism
Originally uploaded by lorenzodom

New York City, November 4, 2009:

"The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”
- To a Mouse, Robert Burns

Almost a year ago, on my 41st birthday on November 22, I made a vow to do something positive and begin a new blog, The Art of Happiness.

My intentions were to mount a goodhearted rebellion, to proselytize at the pulpit of the rising sun, to posit the good against all the bad that we are bombarded with on a daily basis by the media.

Alas, I could not keep up and so my efforts went to the wayside. So goes the best laid plans.

Nonetheless and allthemore, after reading about “10 Bodies Found in Home of Cleveland Rapist,” “Another NYU Student Commits Suicide,” and “Another NYC Police Officer Avoids DWI Blood Test After Killing Pedestrian” this morning, I am once again inspired to renew my efforts.

“The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall.”
Vince Lombardi

Thus, for lack of time to research and write about any good news, I’ve decided to share some personal good news, for now.

Yesterday, my dear friend Sj came by my office to share her good news—she had accomplished a long held dream of running and finishing the New York Marathon.

Needless to say, I was elated for her and decided to write her a letter in commemoration of her achievement. I’m sharing that letter here to spread the good news.

Date: November 3, 2009
Subject: Say Goodbye to The Old You

Sj,

I just wanted to thank you for stopping by to share a little bit of your glory with me today. I am honored and happy that you made an effort to include me in your shining moment, especially since it inspired me.

When I received my medal exactly 16 years ago, I arrogantly dismissed its value, feeling that the accomplishment was enough and that this trinket was meaningless.

However, I still have my medal and ribbon, and recently I hung it around the boys bunkbed post, because Robert, my running partner back then in 1993, suggested, as I was packing up to move out of 215 W 108th, that it might inspire the boys if I shared it with them.

After seeing yours around your neck this afternoon I fully understand what he meant, because it inspired me.

Both my sister Sabina and Chelsea have been great motivators lately. My lil' sista has been periodically sending me updates on her K-bell training and diet; and my darling girlfriend has been gently pushing me to get some exercise, all the while setting the example by going to the gym whenever possible herself.

That's why although I was still sick (and exhausted after a week of having the boys) I ran a mile on Sunday, and two miles downstairs in our gym yesterday.

Today, however, I pushed myself after hearing the story of your marathon run and ran three miles non-stop today. It wasn't easy, but I figured if Sj can be disciplined enough to train for all those months, and push herself all the way on the big day, the least I can do is run three measly miles.

Thank you for that push. I really needed it.

I am sincerely very proud of you and extremely happy for you. I can readily see that you are a new person indeed, you not only brim with confidence—your newfound optimism instills it, and that is an amazing accomplishment in and of itself.

L

Happy Song of the Day

Soak Up The Sun
by Sheryl Crow

I Believe, Therefore We Can

I Believe, Therefore We Can
Originally uploaded by lorenzodom

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Mahatma Gandhi

November 24, 2008, New York City:

I Believe, Therefore We Can

Lately, I wake up in the morning and I think to myself, “This is a tough time to think positively in.”

But then I realize, “That’s exactly when optimism counts most,” and I put my legs over the bed and place my feet firmly on the ground.

This morning, with that sort of resolve, I got up and made my usual three cups of espresso. After doing a little work, I grabbed my towel and rushed to get in the bathroom to take my shower.

After 60 seconds of a cold rush of water I realized, “There’s no hot water.” I didn’t get upset, because I figured that it wasn’t just our apartment that didn’t have hot water, and I was confident that it would be resolved by the time I came back home.

Moreover, I had just taken my midnight shower 6 hours earlier.

Thus, knowing that my morning shower was primarily just a refresher, I quickly combed my hair, brushed my teeth, got dressed and ran off to work.

Turning about the corner I noticed all the magazines in the window of the local bodega with President-elect Obama smiling brightly on the cover. I smiled back, thinking “Finally, America has a true leader in place.”

My stride pepped up a little and a few feet further I passed one of the regular charity solicitors, someone from something like the “NY Housing Development Project” or other, who was saying, “You can make a difference! Yes, you can!,” an obvious reference to Obama’s political campaign rhetoric.

As a New Yorker, one of our most immediate and frequent thoughts is to question the legitimacy of all the panhandlers on the street, regardless of the credentials that they have hanging on their necks.

This time however, I was infused with more confidence than doubt.

I was happy to hear that people were mimicking the President-elect, and adopting his optimistic rhetoric.

It has been so long since we actually had a real leader in the White House, 8 years in fact, that it is a great feeling to have someone at the helm that instills confidence in the people, for the people, despite the dire climate that we are all facing.

Thus, even though the hot water wasn’t working in my apartment; even though I need to find another flatmate within the next week to help pay next month’s rent; even though my bills are piling up and the expenditures of the holiday season are looming; even though my nine-year old was crying yesterday because he doesn’t have a cell phone like “everyone else,” and even though I’m having to make a lot of tough decisions on how and where and with whom I need to cut back my spending on and with—I’m still feeling confident that we’ll get through this alive, if not—better off.

In fact, if anything, I truly believe that the more intelligent and prudent of us will thrive amidst the crisis, that therein we will find an opportunity to improve our lives, our selves and hopefully, the lives of others as well, if only because we find ourselves spending more time with them.

I believe that many of us will choose to spend more time inside, rather than outside our homes in a frivolous pursuit of happiness. We will find more ways to entertain each other and will get to know each other better than ever before, if only because we will no longer can afford the mass entertainment that usually serves to distract us.

In turn, I believe that many of us will begin spending more time with our books, our friends, our families and ourselves.

In turn, I believe that we will learn to bide our time in new (or renewed old) ways that are much more self-reliant, much more meaningful and ultimately, much more fulfilling, if only because it means that we won’t be relying on complete strangers to amuse us.

In turn, I believe that many of us will spend more time figuring out what we really want from life, in turn making an effort to realize our greatest hopes and dreams, in turn making this country and the world a better place.

And in turn, I believe that, together, we can and will make a difference. Yes, we can.


"Think globally, act locally." Maybe David Brower, maybe Rene Dubos

*


Other thoughts can be found at The Art of Living.

Check out 25 Lessons I’ve Learned (about photography) at
www.25Lessons.com

2008 HP Be Brilliant Featured Artist
http://www.hp.com/go/bebrilliant